Disappointment is the feeling that results when someone is let down or left with unfulfilled expectations. It can be something as simple as being stood up for a lunch date or as serious as a being deserted by a friend in the darkest hour of need. If not dealt with in an appropriate manner, disappointment can lead to bitterness and a host of other damaging emotions and behaviors.
Recognizing Disappointment
The world we live in is far from perfect and disappointment is easy to recognize. It manifests as a hollow feeling inside; the feeling of being let down and even betrayed. Feelings of hurt, disbelief and shock often accompany disappointment and the stronger the relationship to the person involved, the greater the disappointment.
Understanding Disappointment
Disappointment is a natural reaction, a normal response to being let down, especially by those who seemed trustworthy. In fact disappointment can be described as a breach of trust; the failure to fulfill a promise or an expectation. It is not something that should be laughed off or disregarded but rather something that needs to be worked through until healing comes.
Dos and Don’ts
· Don’t be eager to make new plans, change jobs or cut off relationships
· Don’t lay the blame entirely on the other person
· Don’t lash out and try and inflict pain as revenge
· Don’t say “I don’t care” when you really do
· Don’t assume that you know the whole truth behind what happened
· Don’t allow disappointment to develop into bitterness
· Do ask questions and try and understand the situation better
· Do examine your actions and see if you contributed in any way
· Do talk it over with a friend or counselor
· Do offer forgiveness even if it is not warranted
Long Term Effects of Disappointment
Repeated disappointments or even one big disappointment can lead to a miserable life if not dealt with. The important thing to remember is that disappointment is probably harming the victim more than the person who caused it. People who are unable to forgive are often bitter, self-centred people who trust no one. They are unpleasant to be around and their behavior perpetuates the problem. No one likes to be around people who ooze resentment and self pity.
How to get over Disappointment
After working through the dos and don’ts above, recovery is basically a decision. A choice has to be made to forgive and emotionally release the one who disappointed. The decision won’t necessarily remove negative feelings, but if stood by, will eventually bring healing and release. It does not mean trusting that person again, or doing business with them, but forgiveness will bring personal freedom.
Disappointment affects everyone from babies up to old people and it is important to deal with it in a constructive manner. When struggling with a particularly big disappointment, remember that forgiveness and mercy are essential for healing. Finally, remember that dealing with disappointment is a process and something that crops up in life on an ongoing basis. Victorious people are those who have learned to deal with it.
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
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