While romance may fade after the first few months of marriage, love does not have to. There is a lot more to marriage than dinner dates, flowers and love letters. In her book, The Secrets of Love (Hazard Press Ltd, 2003), Sally Taylor Jensen discuss some of the myths associated with love between husbands and wives.
Common Misconceptions About Love in Marriage
Here are some of the more common ideas that people have about love in marriage:
- Love is all about romance – Romance and infatuation in the early days of a relationship create feelings of warmth, desire and the longing to be with each other. This is good at the time as it helps a couple focus on each other and filter out the distractions of life. However, it is never a long-term thing. Some people skip from relationship to relationship in an attempt to keep romance alive. It should be allowed to subside in its own time – but not die. Romance can be revived on special occasions throughout married life.
- Love is always the same – Love is always changing and has many forms and appearances. For example, when a child is born, the love a husband and wife have for each other will generally deepen as they see their spouse grow into parenthood. This process will be repeated many times throughout marriage as hard times come, as they experience sickness, as they succeed in business, and enjoy growing old together. Each event and occasion adds a new layer to the love between the couple.
- People in love agree about everything – Feeling love and attraction does not mean a husband and wife will agree about everything. They are two individuals with different backgrounds and upbringings. These differences will probably cause conflict in the early days of marriage but in time, couples learn to work together and create a new set of beliefs and ways of living. Even so, there will always be disagreements.
- Love makes sex easy – Sex is far more than a physical act and even if a couple are deeply in love, they will generally have to work at their sex life. This involves asking each other questions and refraining from acts that make each other uncomfortable.
- Love means spending all your free time together – In the early stages of marriage, a couple may be inward-focused and content to spend all their free time with their spouse. As time passes, however, most husbands and wives enjoy socialising with friends as well. This may be as individuals or couples. The important thing is that they be in agreement over how much time they spend together and apart.
Building a marriage is a complex process and involves romance and deepening love. People come from different backgrounds and while couples may not agree on everything, they can still live in harmony. Communicating openly about sex is also important as is building friendships with other people.
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
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