There are four areas that couples can work on to create and maintain balance in their relationship. These are described in the book, Fighting for Your Marriage, by Howard J Markman, Scott M Stanley and Susan L Blumberg (Jossey-Bass, 2001). These areas are simple and easy to understand but can have a dramatic influence on a marriage and how successful it is.
Honor and Respect Your Spouse at Home
It is extremely important to honor your spouse, even in times of conflict. Couples who put each other down, criticize, condemn and mock each are damaging their marriage. Husbands and wives need to feel safe and protected at home. Genuine love will make an effort to understand and create a safe place to express feelings, thoughts and emotions. If a marriage is to succeed, partners must learn to respect each other first.
Cultivate Intimacy in Marriage
Intimacy is more than sex. It’s the deepness of a relationship that offers friendship, companionship, spiritual connection, fun, passion and the experience of parenting. Intimacy is a gift that needs protecting and nurturing if it is to grow. Taking time to do things together is part of the process as is talking and sharing dreams. Husbands and wives need to feel that their secrets are safe and that they can trust each other implicitly.
Marriage Requires Teamwork and Responsibility
Teamwork implies people working together in agreement and this is how marriage should be. Husband and wife both need to do their part to keep their relationship healthy. Here are some tips on how to work successfully as a team:
- Make an effort to do positive things for your partner and remember to say please and thank you.
- Make a decision to let small irritations and negative comments bounce off you
- Take responsibility for self growth and actively work on attitudes and character weaknesses
- Discuss issues and be proactive in finding solutions that work for husband and wife
Work on Commitment and Security as a Couple
Commitment offers security in a relationship and communicates to a spouse that they are loved. Husbands and wives need to express that they are committed to the marriage for the long haul and that they love each other. Commitment is expressed through serving one another, showing forgiveness, putting each other first and learning to work and play together as a team.
Marriage is a lifelong relationship that needs work to keep it strong. As husbands and wives respect each other, cultivate intimacy, work as a team and express and show commitment, they will find their relationship strengthens, grows and is successful.
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
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