Christmas happens once a year but there is normally a build up period of several weeks. The stresses commonly associated with Christmas can be exacerbated by problems in a marriage, or in some cases, they can cause new problems. Here are some thoughts on how spouses can survive Christmas with a smile on their faces.
Creating Christmas Traditions in Marriage
Most families have a set way of celebrating Christmas. This can include the type of presents given, the meal that is prepared, the way Christmas Day is spent and the involvement of relatives. When two people marry, they seldom give a thought to Christmas and the trouble starts when they each want to celebrate in the way they are accustomed to. Here are some ideas of how to handle these problems:
- Discuss every aspect of Christmas without making demands or accusations.
- If parents demand the married couple spend Christmas with them, work out a long term plan that accommodates them but does not allow them to dictate what happens. Some couples find that a three years cycle works well: one year with his family, one year with her family and one year away together.
- Look at the way each partner handles gift buying at Christmas. Communicate openly about wanting one big gift or preferring four or five smaller gifts. Discuss who to buy gifts for within the family and agree on the amount to be spent.
- Christmas Day celebrations vary widely from family to family and culture to culture. Some like a traditional meal while others prefer a beach barbecue. Church is a priority for some while others prefer a walk at dawn. Make a list of activities enjoyed by each spouse and put some effort into combining these into a workable plan.
Recovering from a Disastrous Christmas
In spite of the best intentions and plans, some Christmases turn out to be a disaster. Use these as stepping stone to better celebrations in future. Here are some ideas of how to handle a Christmas disaster:
- Apologize to anyone who may have been hurt or offended. If a husband’s uncle got drunk and ruined Christmas lunch for everyone, an apology from the husband to his wife will go a long way to smoothing over the hurt.
- Examine what went wrong and ensure it doesn’t happen again. A wife may have bought her husband a drill but chose a cheap brand that he was unhappy with. Communicate gently and fix the problem together.
- Share the workload as leaving it all to one person can lead to burnout and resentment.
Christmas can be the best time of the year for husbands and wives but it seldom happens by chance. It needs careful planning and preparation and a large dose of communication, compromise and laughter. With effort, spouses can create good Christmas memories that last a lifetime.
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
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