Parents, teachers and other adults can help teens to face difficult situations and learn from them. This is a process that takes time and effort but will yield lifelong benefits.
Possible Tough Situations for Teens and Tweens
When looking at how to help children be resilient, it is important to identify situations that can be difficult for them. Here are some situations that are commonly seen in teenage years:
- Social problems at high school may arise if the teen does not or cannot conform to their peers’ dress code and behavior expectations.
- Bullying is a common problem and is never acceptable. It can take the form of physical bullying, or cyber bullying using mobile phones and social networks such as Facebook.
- Academic issues may affect teens with learning disabilities.
- Medical conditions and chronic diseases such as diabetes and epilepsy can make life hard for a teenager who is trying to fit in and be normal.
- Teens and tweens can be cruel to each other and may target someone who comes from a different economic or ethnic background. Teasing and discrimination can be very upsetting to the point where the teen withdraws and doesn’t want to go to school.
- Dating woes and heartbreak are part of teenage life and can be devastating.
- Abuse by family members or friends should never be ignored.
Finding Inner Strength in Difficult Moments
Parents should make an effort to teach their children resilience from a young age. It is tempting to protect children from all harm but the world is a hard place and they need to know this. Instead of rescuing them from every difficult situation, it is better to help them work through it themselves. Sit down with them and discuss possible reactions and the expected results from each of these. Then help them work out which is the best answer as opposed to the easiest one. By doing this, they will realize that life truly is not fair and that they can choose their attitude and reaction to any given problem. Understanding this is the key to overcoming any difficulties in life.
Finding Help when Life Seems too Hard
It is important that teenagers know where to go for help when faced with a difficult situation. While it is good for them to try and solve problems themselves, there will be times when adult assistance is needed. Depending on the situation and family background, parents may be the teen’s first choice. If they are not comfortable with telling their parents what is wrong, they can approach a school counsellor, a friend’s parents, the pastor of a church or call a helpline.
Parents should make it clear to their children that no matter what they do or how much trouble they get into, that they will always love them and will help them work through any given situation. Discussing difficult situations they experienced as teens can be helpful as it will give their children a new understanding of their background and ability to work through problems.
When Adults Should Intervene
If it is apparent that a tween or teen is struggling with personal problems or difficulties imposed by their peers, it may be necessary for an adult to step in. This should be done with respect for the child and unless the situation is life-threatening, it should be discussed with them first. Ask them how they are feeling, if they have any plan of action and what they would like the outcome to be long term. In some cases, the adult can simply be a sounding board and support that the teen can come to in times of need. Offering solid advice and guidance can give them the courage they need to face their problems and if necessary, to address the issues that have caused them. Adult intervention is needed and should be actioned when there is bullying, physical or mental abuse, or suicidal thoughts involved.
The Process of Building Character Through Hardship
When looking at how to help children be resilient, it can be helpful to remember that the strongest people in life are often the ones who have suffered the most. Hard times come to everyone and children and teenagers are no exception. It does not matter whether the suffering has been imposed by circumstances, ill health or has been induced by foolish actions. In all these cases it can be used as a stepping stone to greater strength of character and resilience.
Parents should resist the temptation to interfere unnecessarily. Instead they should keep an eye on what is happening and only intervene if the problem is beyond their child’s ability to handle. If teens can learn to embrace problems as a challenge to overcome, they will develop inner strength and resilience and be an inspiration to those around them.
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
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