How Illness Can Affect a Marriage

Apr 5, 2011
Debbie Roome

Sickness can Affect Married Couples at any Age - Debbie Roome

Many couples use traditional wedding vows that include the phrase, 'in sickness and in health.' The reality of this can be difficult.

Chronic illness can place a large amount of stress on a marriage and couples often need assistance as they work through the issues that arise. In her book, Being Married (Allen & Unwin, 2005), Sharon Aris devotes a chapter to the effects of sickness on a marriage. She says that there are three main ways of handling the stress of an ill spouse.

Enduring Through Illness in Marriage

This seems to be the most common way that married couples weather the problem of illness in marriage. Realizing that even with the best treatment, some sicknesses can take months or years to recover from, they simply struggle from day to day with the hope that eventually life will return to normal.

Working Through Illness in Marriage

This group of married couples actively work on solving the problems caused by the sickness of a spouse. Potential problem areas include the following:

Financial strain due to the cost of doctors, hospitals, treatments and loss of income.
Lack of sexual contact due to the illness.
Becoming carer and patient rather than husband and wife.
If the ill person is depressed, they may develop suicidal tendencies and need to be watched 24 hours a day.
Time together as husband and wife may be limited if the ill person is in hospital or their spouse is working long hours to bring home much-needed finance.

Marriage counseling can be beneficial in all the above circumstances. Depending on the nature of the problems, choose a therapist or counselor who is qualified in the relevant area such as finance or sex.

Finding Happiness in Spite of Illness in Marriage

Some couples make an effort to make the most of life when sickness seems to overshadow everything. This is often an attitude that leads to positive action. In some cases, a marriage partner may be diagnosed with a terminal disease. Couples can work through this by making the most of their time together. Some plan a series of special family events or a once-in-a-lifetime trip if the ill person is strong enough to travel. Others revisit favorite places and create special memories. Even though this can be a period fraught with medical emergencies, fear and sadness, many couples find a new closeness in their final days together.

Chronic illness can cause major upset in a marriage. Couples can handle the situation in a number of ways with some choosing to just endure things day by day while others actively work through the problems. If the illness is terminal, couples can choose to make the most of their last months together.