Emotional manipulation can be blatant or subtle and is often a long-term problem. It is essential for victims of this kind of behavior to take action and put an end to the torment and inappropriate treatment they have endured.
Characteristics of Emotional Manipulation
Manipulators come in all shapes and sizes. Men, women, children, spouses, strangers and co-workers all have the potential to manipulate and try and control another person’s lifestyle and choices. Manipulation takes several forms and is characterized by the following signs:
- A manipulator shows no respect for personal boundaries. They trample over people’s feelings and may repeatedly try and impose their own beliefs onto others. If their opinion is not accepted, they may become belligerent and insist that their advice be followed.
- Threats are commonly used but may be disguised as promises. These may look something like this: “If you don’t stop socializing with Jane, I‘ll cut you out of my will.” or “I’ll buy you a new dress if you stop seeing Adam.”
- Manipulators undermine a person’s confidence and send them on a guilt trip. They blame them for things that have happened to them and may even try and pin depression and suicidal feelings on them.
- Introducing doubts about a person’s abilities and worth is common and a manipulator often attacks in the areas where a person is gifted.
- Excessive communication may take the form of letters, emails, texts and online comments. The person tries to control another by expressing their opinion and insisting that they are correct.
How to Deal with Emotional Manipulators
Manipulation is never healthy and victims of this type of behavior should not allow the perpetrators to get away with it. It can be difficult to handle manipulators, especially if the perpetrator is a close friend or family member. Here are some basic guidelines of how to make positive changes in a controlled relationship:
- As many victims of control and manipulation have discovered, it is seldom helpful to reason with a manipulator. They see life through a mindset that doesn’t allow room for empathy or understanding and seem unable to comprehend that their behavior is hurtful and emotionally crippling. It is often best to ignore a manipulator and follow your own desires and dreams.
- It is difficult to change a manipulator but possible to change yourself. Work on areas such as decision making, standing firm and guarding your mind from manipulative lies. This will offer a level of freedom from a controller and may also lead to them backing off.
- Do not comply with a manipulator’s demands or wishes. This will only encourage them to keep on trying to control you.
- If the person is an acquaintance rather than a family member or close friend, it can be good to cut contact with them entirely. Change phone numbers and email addresses, block them on Facebook, and protect yourself by not listening to, or reading what they say.
- In a face to face confrontation with a controller, assert yourself and stand your ground. Make it clear that you will no longer bend to their wishes, no matter how much they try and manipulate you.
Manipulation and control are never acceptable. Refuse to accept the blame for anything these people may accuse you of and find out as much as you can about manipulative behavior. People who have overcome these kind of situations, often go on to live free of the emotional control that held them captive for years.
References:
Emotional Wellness Matters. Accessed 8th August 2011
Emotional Manipulation: Understanding Manipulators and Helping Their Victims. Accessed 8th August 2011
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
