Many married couples regard sex as the ultimate form of intimacy but this is not necessarily the case, True intimacy is composed of a number of factors which are discussed by Robyn Salisbury in her book, Staying in Love (Random House, 2009). She explains how each of these appear in a marriage relationship.
What is True Intimacy Between Two People
Intimacy is something that grows and it can be cultivated and developed with understanding and effort. It is often referred to as an openness and connection between two people that allow them to feel relaxed and unashamed with each other. Couples need to spend time together to form an intimate relationship.
How Does Intimacy Manifest in Marriage
There are different types of intimacy and all marriages will have strengths and weaknesses. Here are some areas where intimacy can be developed:
- Physical contact including sexual and non-sexual touch and affection. It is important to note that sex on its own may involve physical intimacy but may not have any kind of spiritual or psychological connection.
- Emotional connections that enable spouses to understand what their partner is thinking and feeling.
- Psychological intimacy includes being open and honest with each other and working on areas such as self-esteem, trust and self-awareness.
- Operational intimacy refers to sharing roles around the home and dealing with children. Married couples need to know what each other thinks in various areas and learn to work together as they run a household smoothly.
- Social intimacy comes from sharing friends, hobbies, interests and activities. This is not to say that couples shouldn’t have personal interests and time out to indulge in these.
- Spiritual intimacy includes religious beliefs and the connection of mind, body and soul.
The Benefits of Intimacy Between Spouses
Intimacy grows during times of sharing and love and builds strength into a marriage. People need intimacy and the feelings of warmth, love and security that come with it. Intimacy is the feeling of being comfortable with a spouse and knowing in advance how he or she will respond to a given situation. The connectedness creates a solid foundation that will help marriages survive when tough times come and difficult situations arise.
Many people equate sex with intimacy but that is only a small part of it. True intimacy involves every facet of daily life including the running of a household, and religious beliefs. It is important for couples to cultivate intimacy as it creates a strong foundation for marriages through the feeling of being connected to and loved by another person.
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
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