Disabled children often grow up with brothers and sisters around them. Although it may not be immediately obvious, their emotional development is often influenced by the home situation. Their relationship with the disabled child may be a mixture of love, hate, guilt and resentment. Disabled siblings are often the youngest as the parents decide that another child would stretch them just too far.
Emotions and Siblings of Disabled Children
Denise Brodey mentions the feelings of siblings with a disabled brother or sister in her book The Elephant in the Playroom. It is inevitable that the unaffected siblings will have emotional issues as a result of their family situation. Strong feelings often include these:
- love
- compassion
- jealousy
- rejection
- embarrassment
- anger
- hatred
- guilt
These emotions fluctuate and some are more prevalent at certain ages than others. For example, a teen may cringe with embarrassment if an autistic sibling has a full blown meltdown in public. A younger child may resent the cancellation of a much-longed-for outing to the circus or ice skating. These type of events are often put on hold if the disabled child has a medical problem or is sick or tired. In other cases, the parents may be exhausted and unaware of the pain the cancellation causes their other children.
How Character is Affected by a Disabled Sibling
The emotional impact of living with a disabled sibling can go in one of two directions; the unaffected children may become stronger and more responsible, caring and understanding or they may withdraw and become depressed, jealous and embarrassed. Feelings of worthlessness and being overlooked are also common. Friends may become more important to these children and they often turn away from their family. No matter what the reaction, therapy can help cast perspective on the situation and a caring support network of extended family and friends can make a huge difference.
Age and Maturity and Siblings of a Disabled Person
Maturity usually brings the ability to look at childhood through new eyes. Becoming a parent can add even greater depth to that new perception. The unaffected siblings often realize the hardship and emotional turmoil their parents lived through as they tried to balance the needs of their children and themselves. This realization can bring healing to families that have been driven apart and bring a sense of togetherness and common ground.
A disabled sibling introduces new and extra pressures into family life and brothers and sisters can end up feeling pushed aside or overlooked. It is important to address the issues that arise or long-term emotional damage may result. Conversely, some children seem to have the ability to deal with the situation and grow into mature, caring young people.
Reference:
Brodey, Denise, The Elephant in the Playroom, Penguin Books Ltd, 2007
Debbie Roome - Debbie Roome is an award-winning freelance writer, journalist and novelist with over 25 years experience.
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